Growing in our relationship with God is a lifelong journey. You don’t have to travel alone. As a Your Success Advocate, I will be sharing stories of my lessons learned as well as testimonies of God's love and more to encourage you and give you hope.
Have you ever been in a situation where you tried everything and nothing was working out? I have. Often.
Looking back on my life, I realized something. I was often frustrated when I tried to force things to happen according to my own agenda, but during the times that I gave the situation up to the Lord, incredible things happened.
Here are two examples:
1. After my divorce, I had been single for a few years. I wasn’t really looking for a man friend or husband. Instead, I was seeking the Lord at every opportunity. On one occasion, I was at a Christian meeting in Orlando and during a session I realized that if I would strive to be the bride of Christ, I would always be okay. If I was single, I would be happy and if I was married, I would make an excellent wife because I would reflect the characteristics of the bride of Christ. I decided that one of my goals would be to endeavor to be the bride of Christ. When I returned home, I didn’t give the idea much thought, but not long after, I met my future husband, who was the Godliest man I had ever met. God blessed me above and beyond any expectations.
2. More recently, a few years after my husband died, I began to feel extremely lonely. I thought that I would get a dog to keep me company. I knew what kind of dog I wanted and tried to get one from several organizations. Unfortunately, I was unable to get one. After being frustrated, I resigned myself to not getting a dog and stopped my efforts in that regard., but God knew my heart's desire. A couple of months later, a friend posted a picture of two puppies looking for a home. They had been running wild in the country and despite all attempts to find their owner, no one would claim them. They were the exact kind of dogs I was looking for! I could hardly believe it! I went to see them with the intention of getting one of them, but after hearing their story, I decided to keep them both. They have brought joy and companionship to my life – more than I could imagine. They are the most loving dogs I have ever met.
In each of these cases and so many more, I am reminded of two scriptures. Matthew 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness., and all these things will be added to you." and Ephesians 3:20 “God is able to do far more than we could ever ask for or imagine. He does everything by His power that is working in us.” His power in us is the Holy Spirit, Who leads us and guides us in all the truth. He’s our counselor, our comforter, and our helper. He gives us wisdom, knowledge and understanding.
God is always willing and more than able to help us. We just have to trust Him enough to allow Him to do so.
When you don't see the fulfillment of your prayers in your timing, don't lose heart. Trust that God is working on it in ways that you cannot see. Luke 1:45 "Blessed is she who believed that what the Lord has promised will be fulfilled."
When I was going through one of my most challenging times of my life, my divorce, I was beginning to learn about having a personal relationship with God. One of the ways God ministered His peace to me was ( and continues to be) through music. The song above was one of the first Christian songs I heard. I felt so lost and hopeless, but listening to this song gave me hope. I listened to and sang it repeatedly. In time, God did make a way. A way much better than I could have ever imagined.
God has so many promises concerning His love for you: that He will turn your mourning into dancing, He will protect you, He will provide for you, that He has a plan for you that is for good and to give you hope, and the list goes on and on. Acts 10:30 states, "Then Peter began to speak, 'I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism." God has seen me through all my challenges, He can do it for you as well. Believe Him and you will be blessed.
Concerning the timing of answered prayers, remember that we all have free will and that we live in a fallen world. We have the freedom to choose to accept Christ's sacrifice for our salvation or not. We have the freedom to choose God's way or the ways of the world. It is up to us. Considering the aspect of free will, we must realize that sometimes it takes longer for God to work because we or others may not be ready or willing to let God work in us and through us and others to complete His plans for us.
During the times of waiting, all I have to do is remember how long it took for God to get my attention so I could realize that I was a sinner who needed a Savior. I also review all the ways that God helped me, protected me and delivered me. Then I have more patience for God's timing and His ultimate victory in each of our lives. His timing is perfect. He wants the best for us even before we acknowledge that He can bring that to pass.
Of course our prayers always help. God wants a relationship with each one of us and prayers are our way of communicating with Him. Prayer is conversing with God. Whenever we love someone and want a relationship with them, we love to spend time with them and share our hearts with them. God wants to do that with us and we can do that with God through prayer. Believe me as well as scripture: God hears your prayers and He answers them. Psalm 34:4 " I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears."
I hope this post encourages you to trust in the Lord and His perfect timing as you wait to see the mighty things He will do in your life. God bless!
Realizing the importance of touch is something that can change your life for the better.
You may not be aware of how important experiencing a loving, gentle, caring touch or the lack thereof can impact your life.
Have you ever heard of “failure to thrive babies”? I will explain. In the late 1800’s, 100% of all institutionalized babies were dying. Initially, no one knew why. As doctors reflected and scientists did research, they came to realize that all mammals require nurturing touch in order to survive and thrive. They came to the conclusion that although the institutionalized babies were in a safe environment, fed and changed, they could not live without nurturing touch – gentle, loving touch. They needed to be spoken to, played with, held, and caressed. In general, they needed physical contact with another human being.
I first became aware of this term and situation over 40 years ago when a friend of mine wanted to offer her and her family to be a foster family to a baby. She went to the county hospital in Chicago to get him. She said that there was an entire floor of cribs with these abandoned babies. When she brought him home, I went over to visit. I was shocked to see that although he was one year old, diapers that were made for pre-mature babies were baggy on him. He was so small! When I smiled at him and tried to play with him, he was non-responsive. He just looked at me with a blank stare. It took over a year of my friend, her four children, her husband as well as friends and other family members loving him and playing with him, for him to finally became responsive.
Seeing the effects of lack of touch must have really impacted me because even though I hadn’t thought about it, it came back to my remembrance around 10 years later when I had a business in Gulf Gate Mall.
Most of my clientele were elderly people who came daily. From our interactions, we became like family. I started wondering about how touch affected them. I thought to myself, “If this person has no family, who ever touches him/her, and how does that affect them?” After 9 years, the mall was preparing to close. Instead of leaving quietly, I decided to have a big party with my mall family. It was a great celebration. Everyone was having fun, and then something profound happened to me. One of my regular customers came up to me and said, “Do you know why I’ve been coming here every day for nine years?” I said, "No, why?” Then he said, "Because you were the only person who would smile at me, touch my hand, give me a hug, or pray with me whenever I needed it.”
I was amazed! I never made a conscious effort to do that, and I didn’t realize the impact my small acts of kindness would have on someone. Touch really meant a lot to that person and filled a need I didn’t know he had.
Now, it’s over 30 years later and I am in a new season of life. My husband of 26 years died suddenly 6 years ago. We were best friends and did almost everything together. God was in the center of our marriage, and my husband was a very Godly man who could truly love everyone he met the way God loves them - unconditionally. Fortunately for me, I was the recipient of that kind of love for all those years. I was truly blessed!
After his death, that kind of love and attention was gone. Even though I have family and friends, after the funeral people get busy with their own lives. I am in a season where I am the least busy and they are all in their most busy stages of life. Initially, I was in a very dark place. A place from which it seemed I could not escape. Then I remembered how God had healed my broken heart and restored me after my first husband of 20 years left and we divorced. I realized that God would be the One to deliver me from my current feelings of devastation.
I sought the Lord and He brought me a friend who specializes in helping grieving people. Although she was busy with her life, she took time to speak with me, recommend books for me to read and became my good friend. My family and other friends have consistently done all they could and with God’s help, I came out of the darkness and into the light.
Then, almost two years ago, I started to feel profoundly lonely. I didn’t understand why or what caused it, but after doing research, I realized what it was. I was beginning to suffer the effects of “touch deprivation”. In spite of the fact that I have family and friends and make connections with others through church and other groups, I was not getting the amount of physical touch that my body needed. The term that I had first heard as “failure to thrive” in relation to babies, now has a few different names and refers to adults as well. It is now called “touch deprivation”, “touch starvation” or “skin hunger”. It is a real condition and can impact your life negatively.
Who could have imagined that our bodies were designed to crave touch? Touch deprivation happens when a person receives less physical affection than their nervous system requires to feel safe, regulated and connected. It turns out that our nervous systems were created to need human connection through touch.
It so happens that your skin is the largest organ in the body. I wonder if God created us that way because He knew that we were created to need to be touched and it would be easier to fulfill that need by having the skin be the largest body organ.
Here's what happens in your body when you are touched in a loving, gentle, kind, safe way. The nervous system releases hormones that make us feel good. These hormones make us feel happy, at peace, and connected with others. The opposite is true when we do not get enough good touch. Without adequate touch, we can begin to feel anxious, depressed, or have an inability to sleep. Our bodies go into a stressful mode. Our nervous system releases hormones that can increase our heart rate, blood pressure and even negatively affect our immune system. There are a few groups of people who are susceptible to this condition. Interestingly, two of the groups that are most at risk for suffering from “touch deprivation” are people living alone or in isolation and elderly people, especially those in institutional care.
People living in isolation can include young people. When COVID hit, everyone was encouraged to isolate themselves. Many children were not allowed to go to school. Since that time and currently, we have been seeing more children and young adults with mental health problems. I think that this lack of connectivity with others combined with the increased use of cell phones and their addictive nature, which isolate us, has contributed to this increase in mental health problems. I haven’t done the research concerning young people, but there seems to be a connection. Could our youth also be suffering from touch deprivation?
So now that we understand how a lack of touch can affect our lives negatively, and that we may be in one of the susceptible groups, what can we do about it?
We can start by reflecting on how we feel. If we start to feel the symptoms of touch deprivation: anxiety, depression, uneasiness, feeling overwhelmed or shut down, we can ask ourselves, “Am I missing the amount of touch that my nervous system needs?” If that is the case, what can we do to help ourselves?
Give yourself a big hug;
Ask for a hug;
Shake hands with people;
Associate with and spend time with safe, supportive people, because even being near someone you trust can calm your nervous system;
Wrap yourself in a cozy blanket (wrapping kids in blanket or towel that comes out of the dryer – it feels great and my kids always loved it);
Hug a stuffed animal;
Use a weighted blanket when you go to sleep – it mimics the feeling of a big hug;
Reach out to others to see how you can help them;
Participate in games and conversations with others to increase your human connection;
Tell others about “touch deprivation” and the importance of safe, loving, kind touch – for example, as I have been telling people about it, I have received more physical contact than I ever anticipated, and it feels good.
For myself, in addition to following the above-mentioned suggestions, I was able to get myself two puppies who give me cuddles and love. It's not quite the same as human touch, but they are the most loving puppies I have ever met and I appreciate their presence in my life..
In addition, each of us, as caregivers or just fellow human beings, can be more aware of each other’s needs and do the best we can to give a gentle, compassionate touch. It doesn't have to be much – a touch on the hand, arm or shoulder, or a gentle squeeze. If not a touch, a warm smile or just being present to listen attentively will help.
Here’s an example of this kind of love in action. I was talking to a friend of mine about touch deprivation. She is a caregiver to her mother, who has dementia. Although she is always there to help her mom, after hearing about the importance of touch, she decided to be more deliberate in touching her mom. She purposefully gave her a hug. Her mom enjoyed it so much that now whenever her daughter walks by, she will reach out to her for a hug. It is amazing what a little awareness and action will do for someone.
I believe that now that we know about the importance of touch for all of us, we can all do better to give, request, and receive the amount of loving, safe, gentle touch we need to not only survive, but to thrive.
