What's Love God to Do With It? Part 2 of 3

Last week we reviewed many scriptures about love and what constituted God’s definition of love. This week, I would like to take a look at what the different aspects of love look like in real life. This post is mostly my opinions based on observations from my life.

Love is patient – dictionary.com defines patient as: "bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like". Using this definition, think about all the instances where you have been empowered to be patient. Those are God moments in your life. Rejoice in those moments and look for other opportunities to be patient. As you practice patience, you will become stronger in that attribute.

Love is kind – To me this means to do something nice for someone or to someone without expecting anything in return. This might be as simple as listening when someone needs to talk or smiling at a person who seems to need some gentleness and encouragement, or it may be more involved. Look for opportunities. The more you look, the more you will find, and as you practice kindness, you will be a blessing to others and you will find that you are blessed in return.

Love does not envy – American Heritage dictionary describes envy as: "A feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by and in conjunction with desire for the possessions or qualities of another". Do you ever feel a tinge of resentment when someone else gets a compliment, or a promotion, or even just something positive happening to them, especially when you are having a hard time? I remember when I was a teenager, if I would go to a party and someone would compliment a friend's dress, I would think, "Well, what's wrong with my dress?" I wouldn't say anything, but my heart's attitude was not right. When we can love like God does, we can get to the point where we can just be happy for that other person. Check your heart’s attitude. If you need help, ask God and He will help you.

Love does not boast – We often believe that we need to promote ourselves, but in 1 Peter 5:5-6, Scripture encourages us to be humble so that God can raise us up in His perfect timing. “5 ... All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”[a] 6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.” (NIV). That doesn’t mean that we hide in the background. To me, it means that as we do our work as unto the Lord, He will bring the promotion/increase. Colossians 3:23-24 says, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. If you see yourself as working for God, you will always do your best.

Love is not proud – I struggled with that for a long time. Still working on it. Do you believe that you can be successful in your own strength and abilities? I did. The problem is that when you believe in only yourself, you are not leaning on the Lord to help you. When you try to do everything yourself, you can achieve some degree of success along with other feelings such as anger, frustration, and burn-out. In contrast, when you work with the Lord, you achieve some degree of success along with other feelings such as joy, peace, faith. As for me, I cherish working with and for the Lord.

Love is not rude – In my mind, to be rude is to be deliberately unkind, insulting, or impolite. Since love is not rude, we can be working in the opposite direction and work on purposefully being kind and considerate.

Love is not self-seeking - When you love like God loves, you want the best for others rather than wanting only what is best for you. When you seek the best for others, God will help provide you with what is best for you.

Next week, in our final post on this topic, we will continue examining God’s love in action.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

This is part 1 of a series about love, relationships and marriage.

This week I was going to talk about what God says about marriage, but as I thought about it, I realized that before I write about marriage, I need to make sure that we are all on the same page when we talk about love. Since we all come from different backgrounds and cultures, we all have different perceptions and beliefs about what love is, and what it looks like in action.

I once saw a cartoon which was entitled, “Convention for Functional Families” The drawing showed a big stadium with one person sitting in the stands waving a pennant. It was kind of funny at the time, but also very true. Most of us have experienced some kind of disfunction in our families. If we want to break that cycle, we must not repeat the patterns of love that do not line up with God’s definition.

Here’s an example of not understanding love from God’s perspective from my own life. When I was going through the divorce process, I was at a loss concerning who I would be now that I was no longer playing the role of wife. I was still a mom, but I wanted to figure out more about myself. I had an opportunity to attend a fitness weekend in a country atmosphere. I brought my pad of paper and my Bible.

One afternoon, I went off by myself to journal about who I was. As I sat there, I wrote down the one thing I knew about myself – I am a loving person. As I looked at that, I started thinking, “If I am so loving, why is my marriage falling apart?” Then I decided to look at my Bible to see what God had to say about love. As I started reading 1 Corinthians 13, I was amazed! Love is patient – no, not all the time; Love is kind – no, not always; Love does not envy – yes, I do sometimes; Love does not boast – whoops, that one hit home. If you asked me, I would tell you I was wonderful! I kept going down the list only to realize that I could not check off any of the attributes of love according to God’s definition. I looked back at my paper and crossed off the one thing I thought I knew about myself. Since God wrote the book on love, He must know more than I do about it, so I prayed and asked Him to help me to be better at expressing love His way.

So, what is His way? Read 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, 13 (NIV) “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails….And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

That’s a pretty tall order, don’t you think? Here is more, from the notes on this chapter in the New American Standard: The Open Bible, 1979, notes on p. 1127.

"The fruit of the Spirit is love. Only as we live in love can we fulfill the will of God in our lives. The believer must become love-inspired, love-mastered, and love driven (2 Corinthians 5:14). Without the fruit of the Spirit (love), we are just a religious noise (1 Corinthians 13:1)

The fruit of the Spirit is love, and it is manifested in joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Joy is love's strength. Peace is love's security. Patience is love's endurance. Kindness is love's conduct. Goodness is love' character. Faithfulness is love's confidence. Gentleness is love's humility. Self-control is love's victory. Against such things there is no law.

A Spirit controlled man needs no law to cause him to live a righteous life. the secret of a Spirit-controlled life is found in dedication to God (Romans 5:5). Put your all on the altar, and the Holy Spirit will fill your heart with the love of God (Romans 5:5).

In conclusion, what's love got to do with it? Everything. If you are already loving like God loves, praise the Lord. Keep spreading that love around. If you feel as if there are some areas on which you need to work, don't worry about it. God will help you. You can count on it. He is just looking for a willing, teachable heart. I can speak from experience. I went from that blank piece of paper to a woman who could love enough to be able to be married to a most Godly man for 26 glorious years. I still have a ways to go, but God is helping me each step of the way through the leading of His Spirit. He will help you too. Just ask Him.

God bless.

More on Completer or Compete-or

I have been encouraged to post more about relationship regarding this topic.

I knew a professor who, when asked by a high school student, “How do I know if my girlfriend is “the one?” replied, “She should complement you and compliment you.” Sometimes we may get these words confused, so to clear up our understanding, here is a tip from grammerly.com. “A complement is related to completion, while a compliment relates to flattering words or acts.”

So how does this translate to relationships? Before considering a close relationship, spend some time thinking about the kind of person you would want in a close relationship. What would his/her values, characteristics, and beliefs look like? If you do this first, you will be drawn to people who have what you are looking for.

When you meet someone, aside from any physical attraction, consider whether their strengths and weaknesses are complementary to yours. By this I mean, when you come together, can you each help the other to fulfill your full potentials?

Then you can ask whether he/she compliments you. Does he/she respect, love, like, and admire who you are as a person and what you can bring to the relationship? Does his/her behavior confirm this? Do you feel the same about him/her and does your behavior towards him/her confirm this?

Concerning my relationship with John, my criteria was simple. After five years of earnestly seeking the Lord after my divorce, I thought I might like to go out or perhaps have a meaningful relationship with someone. So, in prayer I sought the Lord and asked for a man who was a man after God’s own heart. My logic was that if this man loved God most, he would certainly know how to love me. God heard and answered my prayer by bringing John and I together. Although our backgrounds were very different, our values and beliefs were the same.

I learned quite a bit about relationship in preparation for and in being married to John. I guess that most importantly, we needed to keep God first in our marriage and develop our relationship God’s way. Next week I will speak more about God’s ideas about marriage.